As I said before, there will be some “Summer Reruns” of my columns. I’m sure none of you can remember back far enough to have read this selection because I know the age of most of my readers, and they can’t remember what they had for breakfast. I will take a guess at what you had: Bran flakes. Again, it’s an age thing. Enjoy this week’s repeat offering.
Before we start, give me your phone. I’m going to put some tape over the camera and mic. There, now we can talk.
I was the guy who, at one time, could care less if someone was eavesdropping on my conversations or sneaking a peek at me through my window. If you saw me naked, you would understand that the peeping Tom was the one being punished. I can’t remember ever saying or doing anything that I should be worried about going public. Of course if it had, I’m probably the most unimportant person in the world, so who would care. After the last few years and with this pandemic, it may be time for me to become paranoid…wait, that click, is someone listening.
The truth is, we no longer have privacy and we are at fault. We are buying smartphones, smart speakers, smart tablets, smart televisions,…get my drift. While all these devices make our life easier, they also give the outside world a portal into our private lives. You see that little round thing on your smart device, it’s a camera. Also, they are all connected to the internet. I feel like a math teacher…2 + 2 = Big Brother (1984, George Orwell reference. I did read some of those books they assigned us in high school).
Are THEY actually watching all my moves? Probably not, but they could. I now lay awake at night worried I might say something nasty about the President, in the privacy of my home, only to get a visit from the Secret Service. I might lead a life that would be the perfect plot for a sitcom, it will be stolen, become a huge TV hit and I won’t receive a penny in residuals or someone will see me in my Pretty Little Pony boxer shorts. You don’t worry about the same things…strange.
I have friends who started to put tape over anything they think might be a camera. To be safe, I decided to do the same. I have taped over the cameras on my computer, Echo device, iPad, iPhone, refrigerator (yes, they now have screens and cameras in some models), microwave and coffee maker. The last two may not have cameras but I think they’re conspiring against me with the refrigerator. I’m pretty sure my Roomba vacuum is following me around the house spying on me.
Now I am afraid to go anywhere. There are cameras everywhere. They call them security cameras but I know Big Brother is watching me just because I like Pretty Little Pony undergarments.
Every store, intersection, back alley, ATM, bank and who knows what have cameras. I’ve seen those television shows where the crack detectives are able to follow their suspect by following him on all the cameras we have installed in our world. One funny thing about that is, the detectives are using what looks like a very high tech, expensive computer display that they only have to swipe their hands across and the info they want just pops up. I thought our government couldn’t afford things like that, but I digress,
Our pandemic has exasperated the problem. In an effort to track those who might be spreading the Covid-19 virus, health officials want to track everyone by their smartphone use. They claim this will help determine how the virus is being spread. I think they just want to follow me to the local convenience store, then tell my wife that I had one of their super dogs and broke my diet.
I’ve decided to fight back. I now have three different security cameras installed at my home. Two on the front door and yard and another on our back patio. Ha, I’m now the one doing the watching. As a result of getting these security cameras, I am part of a community that shares incidents captured by their cameras. I didn’t know there were so many stray cats in our neighborhood. A serious issue we need to address…unless they fix the rodent problem we’ve been having.
There was one person who posted a video of what they described as two very suspicious young men who came to their porch and rang their doorbell. I thought, wow, this could be a dangerous situation. I reviewed the video and discovered it was two young men, wearing white shirts, black ties and carrying leaflets to hand out. They were Mormon Missionaries. Next to stray cats, something we really need to worry about (That was a touch of sarcasm. Stray cats aren’t really that dangerous).
So now I am hunkered down in my bunker, hiding in a corner, all my lights turned off, trying not to be spied on by all my electronic devices. I had to shut down my security cameras the other day. I went outside to get my newspaper off the front stoop, forgot to wear my robe and they caught me in my Pretty Little Pony boxers. My cameras then shared the video with our local network and I’m pretty sure I heard the whole neighborhood snickering.
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