I pay bills on the 1st and 15th of every month…well, that’s my intention. My bills include things like my Netflix subscription, Amazon Prime Subscription, CBS subscription (got to get Star Trek), Disney Plus subscription, Apple TV subscription…you get the drift. Sometimes I misplace bills or screw up the math. I’ll forget to carry a two or hit add instead of subtract and really mess up my accountants but I have an excuse. I’m really stupid because I watch way too much TV. I can’t be doing too bad, I’m not in jail yet.
As I sat down at my computer, I closed 3 of my streaming programs and opened my bank account online. To my surprise, there was an additional $1200.00 in it. I immediately started rechecking my math, trying to figure out where I screwed up. Maybe I hit the multiply button on my calculator when I should have hit the subtraction key or I was guessing at my bank balance again, which is really a bad way of keeping one’s check book. Then it hit me, this was my stimulus check from the Federal Government. How appropriate it came on April 15th. So, how much tax am I stuck paying on this?
Wow, $1200. It has been sent to me to help stimulate the economy. Translated: It’s my patriotic duty to spend it as fast as I can. I started having visions on what I could buy with this sudden windfall. Maybe something electronic. You know us guys, if it plugs in, makes sounds, and has flashing lights we can’t resist it. Kind of like a cat reacting to a laser pointer. I’ll have to check out the Best Buy website.
My next thoughts were for something for my car. I passed on that since I haven’t driven my car in weeks. How soon we forget the ones we once loved.
I could find an elicit site on the black web that is trading in black market toilet paper. Who cares that the name on the package is spelled wrong? Well, I do. Chermin, come on, they could be little more creative.
While I was leaning on my elbows, scanning fun things to buy on Amazon, I noticed a pile of papers next to the computer. What could these be? Oh, yea, it’s the stack of bills I’m required to pay, even though my income has been drastically slashed. On top of the pile was my car insurance bill.
I shuffled through the pages long bill and found what my insurance payment was $32 less than my stimulus check. I could barely contain my excitement over my good fortune (For those who might not have caught this, the last line was an example of sarcasm. If you’re one who takes everything literally, move on to the next sentence and I will pray for your soul).
How will I spend what’s left of my stimulus check? Not quite sure. I still have the rest of these bills to pay…naw. I think I’ll jump in my car, since it is now fully insured, and head to the nearest convenient store. They’re still open because they’re deemed “essential.” Imagine if the public couldn’t access their beer, cigarettes or big gulps. The world would surely stop turning. I”m going to get the largest Diet Coke I can find, one of those monster Snickers bar and put the rest on the lotto. If I win the Power Ball, I’ll really be stimulated.
After that, I will head back to my computer to try and pay the rest of my bills. My son, who is a geometry teacher, told me I can’t use the Pythagorean theorem to figure out how much money I have left in the bank. Why not, it works for those guys who run pyramid schemes.
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