You are so spoiled. You know who I’m talking to. All those whining about not being able to leave the house to get together with your friends are starting to grate on me. There was a time in this world when surviving until the next day was real work, and I’m not talking about the 1960’s. There are people who apparently can’t live unless they are sitting at their favorite tony restaurant, munching on avocado toast while sipping matcha tea. The thought of doing that makes me want to self quarantine.
Recently, there were some small groups out protesting. They were saying they’re tired of being forced into quarantine and the government was impeding on their rights as American citizens. Some of these wing nuts were marching around displaying their AR 15 assault rifles with loaded magazines and carrying Confederate and Nazi flags. Losers carrying flags of losers is the only thing that makes sense. What does this have to do with not being able to go have a beer at the local pub? Maybe these yahoos (not the search engine) intend to shoot the virus. I doubt their aim is that good. Probably just kill an innocent citizen or two who were trying to hoard toilet paper.
Not that many years ago people couldn’t survive unless they scrounged for their own food. Whether hunting or fishing, keeping your belly full was your own responsibility. Also, the right to bear arms meant having a front loading, single shot musket to hunt game, instead of an assault rifle to intimidate your neighbors. You would have to use skill and cunning to stalk your prey, take careful aim and use your “one” shot to bring down dinner for the next month. Much more difficult than browsing the meat counter at the local supermarket. While you’re there could you pick me up some beer?
In today’s world, hunting and gathering has a new meaning.
Each day I go for a walk to exercise. While out, I will don my surgical mask, slip on my rubber gloves and stop into one or two of our local grocery stores. I’m hunting for those items that are more than scarce, or to perform surgery if necessary. Hey, I was an Army medic years ago. I remember a couple of things. I can do an emergency tracheotomy using a ball point pen cylinder…and I can spell tracheotomy (I think it’s spelled correctly).
After one of my successful visits, I will bring my catch home to show my lovely wife. Just the other day I came home displaying the very elusive dispenser of hand sanitizer. Rarely seen in the wild (grocery store isles). I spotted the publicly shy game, alone on a shelve. Trying not to show my exuberance, I silently crept down the aisle and secured my prey before another hunter caught on.
I have to confess I use my age to my advantage and shop during the early “seniors only” hour to stalk my game. I do play by the rules though. When I was offered the opportunity to purchase more than one bottle of sanitizer when there was a limit of one per visit, I said no. Then went out the door, in the other and bought a second bottle. Technically, not cheating.
I’ve been told food is also very important to surviving this crisis. I guess living off of dry roasted peanuts, beer and what ever cookies are laying around is not good for you. So I use a scout to help me search for food sources. Thanks to Uber Eats, we will not starve and have a vegetable every once in awhile.
I have to share that another one of my hunts resulted in the discovery of the elusive nine pack of Charmin. After showing off my prize catch to my wife, I threw it on top of the giant pile of toilet paper packages stacked in the garage. I go for a lot of walks. A warning. If a group of avocado toast eating millennials storm my garage for TP, I’ll exercise my constitutionally protected 2nd Amendment right to blow them away with my blunder bust.
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