I need help…well, my family has thought that for years. I think I’ve injured my right thumb. The more I use my TV remote, the pain gets worse. I am “quarantined” at home and doing some serious channel surfing. Considering I have nearly 10,000 channels to choose from (well, seems like it), it can be exhausting. My right hand looks like that of a body builder. My left hand…the same. It has to lift the beer to my mouth. You may ask why so much channel surfing? Simple answer, I’m looking for something even close to live sports. Since we’re in the middle of a national crisis, do I qualify for some kind of federal bailout?
This Covit-19 pandemic and the ensuing lock-down hit just days before I was heading to Mesa, Arizona to see my beloved Cubs in spring training. The only time of the year when a Cubs loss doesn’t make me throw up a little in my mouth. You can imagine my antacid bill. I was really looking forward to that trip. Currently, there are no live sporting events anywhere and it is killing me and millions of others just like me. We need our fix.
My addiction started when I was a kid. I fell in love with baseball. I’m from Chicago and I had two teams to root for. Actually, only one. The Cubs were so pathetic in the fifties and early sixties, the only Cub to cheer for was Erni Banks. On the other hand, the White Sox were the “Go Go Sox.” They were in the thick of the pennant race for several years and even reached the World Series in 1959. Ok, I know that seems like ancient history but it was a big deal for desperate Chicago fans.
For today’s young sports fan who expects their team to reach the playoffs every year, even with a losing record, in 1959 only two teams played for the championship. The NFL was the same. The best team in the West played the best team in the East and the winner was champion. How unusual is it to think that the season ended one day and a week later, a champion was crowned. Today, the NBA playoffs are longer than the regular season. Ok, an exaggeration but a winter sport that ends in June is like Santa making his rounds in July. Oh, I better get a list ready for him just in case.
As time passed I discovered the Chicago Bears and Blackhawks. In the early 60s both teams were powerhouses and won championships. I was hooked. I like to say baseball was my entry drug and football and hockey turned me into a sports junkie. I was a fan of any sport’s team in Chicago.
Undying fans like me make it possible for sports teams to build their giant sports palaces and pay their players more money than their great grandkids will be able to squander. Just a note here: I had a DNA test to see if I was related to any famous athletes. The only one mentioned was in the 1898 poem, Casey at the Bat. Do you think he got rich from the royalties?
Back to my dilemma. I am scanning the TV universe in search of sports and making some unsettling choices. A virtual game of Horse between NBA and WNBA players from their homes. Watching professional athletes play their sports on video games. Tuning in and listening to sports pundits give next day opinions on the sports documentary about the 1990s Bulls called, “The Last Dance.” They were talking about it as if it happened yesterday. I lived through it. Seemed like a rerun to me.
I found info on all kinds of different sports but no actual matches. I’ve learned that soccer still is hard to watch, rugby is kind of like football and cricket is the most boring sport, next to curling. You would think a sport played in Canada, on ice with sticks (brooms) would be more exciting. Maybe if they whacked their opponents and fought once-in-awhile, it might be more entertaining.
It was a sad day when I sat down and watched the entire NFL draft as if it mattered. For three days I hung on every pick. Not just the first round, where college kids were made instant millionaires, I was all in until the seventh and, mercifully, final round. This is where players picked will be cut and back bagging groceries in a short time.
Did you know that with the 230th pick of the draft, Dustin Woodward, a 6’1” center from Memphis, was selected by the New England Patriots. ESPN draft analysis, Steve Muench said “Woodward is a four-year starter who has played all three positions along the interior offensive line. He’s an undersized overachiever…” OMG, what has happened to me. I think my family needs to plan an intervention.
I need to correct something I said earlier. Remember when I said Curling was boring? I just discovered that curling is a social sport. Translated: There’s alcohol involved, just like my softball league. I have a broom and I can practice “sweeping the rock” in the kitchen. The best part, my wife will think I’m helping with the chores.
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