Like many people during this pandemic, I am now unemployed. Well, technically I’m retired. When I announced my retirement to my boss, he talked me into coming back as a consultant. I have been doing that now for several years but that ended this past March with the onset of this dreaded plague. If you ask my sons, they say I’m not doing retirement correctly. I shouldn’t be working at all and I should be enjoying myself. That would be nice but it can be very expensive to enjoy oneself. On top of that, I did miss working. Guess I failed at being the couch potato I always strove to be.
I considered myself quite fortunate. I had a job that I truly loved. If my boss had found out, the regular pay raises might have come to a halt. Every day was a new challenge. I had the opportunity to be involved in many different facets of the production of a quality publication. When each issue was completed, I was excited to flip through it. It was never boring. Not everyone in this world was as lucky as I was.
Every day I see people doing jobs I just couldn’t stand. I am going to share my observations as a public service for those young people who are formulating their career paths. Who knows, the wisdom I share may help some poor young fool to change direction before making a decision they will regret for a lifetime.
Local TV Weather Person. Each day you must make sure that every hair on your head is in its right place, your teeth must glitter, your tan has to be perfect and your suit tailored to fit like a glove. You’re required to have witty repartee with the news anchors, and can’t forget to acknowledge some school or retirement home. No wonder they never get the weather right. They just don’t have the time.
Movie Character Actor. When people hear of your profession, they don’t think of the good-looking leading man, they picture the ugly guy in the movie. You may have looks that make Brad Pitt look bland and you can out-act Meryl Streep, but since you’re a “character actor” they drag in the make-up artist to make you look generally disgusting (can’t be prettier than the leading man/lady). When they hand out the Oscars, Mr./Ms. Heartthrob is collecting the hardware and forgetting to thank you for helping him look better and making him a much better actor than he really is.
Substitute Teacher. This one I have experience with. I was a substitute teacher at the high school my son teaches at. Students think that when a substitute is assigned to their class it is a free pass to do anything. The fact they’re all carrying a small television, phone, video player, game player and camera with them (cell phone) just makes it worse. When you tell them to put their phones away they, act like I’m asking them to throw their child off a cliff. There are tantrums, pouting, whining and general anger (oh wait, that was me). The students were complaining quite a bit and that is before I gave them their assignments. I did have one satisfying day. I substituted for my son on a day he was on campus but doing a special assignment. A girl in his class decided to eat her breakfast in the classroom, a clear violation of the rules. When I called her on it and after the tantrum she threw (which included throwing some of the expensive food she had purchased) I sent her to the principal. She ran into my son on the way. She unloaded on him about the “mean old man” who was running his class. He informed her that the “mean old man” was his father. She slunk away with her tail between her legs. I encourage anyone who wants to become a teacher to pursue it, as for being a substitute…
Host of American Idol. It must be a terrible feeling for Ryan Seacrest knowing his only qualification for hosting this amateur hour is having less talent than contestants on the show.
Sports Radio Talk Show Host. I‘m a huge sports fan and what would be more fun than talking about sports… sounds great, right? Imagine trying to have an opinion on sports five days a week, four hours a day, every week of the year and not get totally bored with it. On top of that you are not allowed to have “dead air” (that‘s when you pause for a second to formulate what you might say). That kind of offense can get you fired. You are also expected to give a balanced point of view (not allowed to pull for your team), and you’re not allowed to cuss. WHAT?
Chairman, Republican Party. If you see what you have to defend in the White House, how could anybody in the right mind want that job. Do I need to say anymore?
As you can see, my new job is handing out advice. I am truly enjoying it. I can dispense advice with no declarable credentials and walk away feeling satisfied. The fact I’m not earning a single farthing for it doesn’t matter. If anyone has a problem with that, you can head to the principal’s office.
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