The last thing I thought of when I first signed up for my first land line so many years ago were “robo” calls. I did not sign up for these intrusive calls from telemarketing companies (the civil name I use for such companies. You don’t want to know what I call them when they call while I’m napping). For all those people under 30, a land line is a phone that is connected one way or another to your home by a wire. If you’re not sure what I am talking about, go to Turner Classic Movies and at least once during the film, someone answers a ringing phone that has a cord attached to it. The chomping on the cigar while doing so is not necessary if you still have a landline.
Junk calls are an unfortunate side effect of having a phone. I’m willing to bet I get more junk calls than I get calls from my three sons, and I need to talk to them about that (ungrateful so and so’s). Originally it was someone on the end trying to sell me a product or service. We would listen then kindly ask not to call again. Then it evolved into a call, when answered, would have about a 3 second pause, then the live telemarketer would come on the line and try to sell you a product or service. The pause is caused by a computer that automatically dials the call (isn’t that quaint, we still say dial a call even though phone dials went the same route of dinosaurs and big hair in the 80s) then passes it on to a live salesperson.
We now get “robo calls.” Smart telemarketers have eliminated the human aspect and 3 second delay that allowed me to hang the phone up before their pitch. It has been replaced with a pre recorded pitch by a very electronic voice for their product. Now, I can scream as long and as loud as I want for them to stop calling me but there is no one to hear my demand and if I try to call back and complain, the number turns out to be a dead end. Thanks to my cell phone, I can actually see the numbers that the robo calls come from and I am stunned by some of them. The source numbers have been from my sons, friends, work and even my own phone number. I found out calling and screaming at my son to stop robo calling me has proven futile, and he has now quit calling me all together…oops.
These telemarketers are getting more clever by the day. Some calls start as if a real person is on the other end. I will say hello and the robo call starts by saying hello and giving me their name and then asking me a question about my needs. By this time I have identified this as a robo call and I’m about to start screaming, when the voice on the other end says “great,” as if I gave a proper answer, and continues with their pitch. I would slam my phone down in disgust but most of the time it’s on my cell phone and do you know how much they cost. Smashing my phone to smithereens (scientific term for broken into a thousand pieces) doesn’t accomplish anything.
Some of these calls leave me scared to death. I have received robo calls saying they are the IRS and if I don’t settle what I owe to the government, the police will be coming and arresting me. Oh my goodness. I tend to run to one of my closets and hide. After about an hour, when my wife figures out where I’m hiding, she will explain to me that the IRS does not call people, they just send very intimidating letters, and I have nothing to worry about. Right then I will receive a call from Social Security saying I have been overpaid and if I don’t settle my account now, the police will be there soon to arrest me. Fortunately my wife was close by and as I was heading to my closet, again explained that Social Security does not call but sends letters. I take a deep breath and begin to relax, that is until I get the call from the credit card company saying that I owe them a bunch of money. Again, I start to panic until they state the name of the credit card and I realize, I don’t have that brand of card. Thank goodness I’m not gullible (well, maybe a touch). Imagine all those people who believe these lies and end up giving money, important personal information, accountant numbers or social security numbers to these scammers.
The latest scourge has been called telling me my car warranty has run out and I need to buy a new warranty from them. This really angers me. My son runs the car dealership I just bought my new car from and he said my warranty was good for 100,000 miles and I’m miles away from that cap. I think I will call him and give him a piece of my mind. Guess that will make another one of my sons stop calling good ole dad.
Another robo call I keep getting is from someone named Becky who’s going to help me with my credit card debt. I must have had a thousand calls from Becky. I think my wife is getting suspicious that I might be having an affair. How did I figure that out? She answered one of those calls I get from the IRS and told them to come and arrest me.
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