As I sit and write today, we are experiencing something very unusual out here in California. No, our gasoline prices have not started to fall and the local news is still leading with Hollywood headlines in spite of seven world crises going on. It is raining. OK, go ahead and picture Californians running around, waving their hands above their heads and screaming, “the end is near.” It’s exactly like that. (And to think, people think I tend to exaggerate).
According to a report I saw on “60 Minutes” last night about the lack of rain in the southwest United States, we have been in a severe drought for 22 years. Damn, it’s hard to tell, that is in the areas where people don’t care how high their water bill is.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was playing golf in Palm Desert (I was given a spot in a charity golf tournament) and the two courses I played were as green and lush as any spot in Eden might have been, with less apple trees. We were in the middle of the “low” desert, located in the Coachella Valley of Southern California and as far as my eye could see, there was green. For those from outside of California reading this, that’s where they have the two big music concerts each year. The Coachella Music Festival and the country and western version, StageCoach Festival. These shows are full of Godless rock and roll, drugs, and free love. Typical California behavior.
The Coachella Valley is also where it gets as hot as hell. The temperatures in the summer soar to above 120 degrees on a regular basis. It is hard to believe that this vast wasteland is also one of the most fertile farmlands in the country. Like most deserts it would look dry and barren until you add a little water. It then becomes a valley of bounty. Since it rarely rains in the low desert, water has to be pumped up from the aquifer or imported in and that usually means it comes from the Colorado River. Colorado River water is mainly used for agriculture. This is where the problem starts. Since the whole southwest is in a severe drought and the Colorado River is the main source of water, it is being bled dry. We have to decide what is more important, growing food that feeds the nation or having a beautiful lawn in Beverly Hills? We all know the answer, the lawn in Beverly Hills. Nothing more pleasing than a front yard that looks like a well maintained putting green. Wait, this just in. My editor just informed me that I gave the wrong answer to the question. I meant food…of course.
In the winter, the temps in the Coachella Valley moderated to the 80s and draws a gaggle of snowbirds. The flying kind (geese) and the Hawaiian shirt wearing type, Canadians. These visitors must think California has all the water in the world when they settle into their very expensive, and luxurious condos for their extended stays. Looking out the window they see swathes of green grass and full, blue ponds…occupied by those other Canadian imports, the geese. While the rest of the state is a tinder box with a record setting wildfire one match strike away, they are soaking up our sunshine, sucking on exotic drinks made from expensive alcohol and our precious water, while polluting our ponds with their Canadian golf balls. Probably made from Polar bears. Maybe we should take these questionable aliens and put them in cages for a while. Might free up a few tee times for some God fearing Americans.
A solution to our water crisis and immigration issue from the north is to require each Canadian, bird or golfer, to bring a few gallons of water with them when they come to spend the winter. With the amount of people saying “oot and aboot” down in the desert, we could kill two birds with one stone (That is just a literary term. I do not advocate killing wildlife, Canadian Geese that is. As for partying Canadians in Hawaiian shirts…). This could solve our water shortage (with all the lakes they have up north, they would never miss the water). If they don’t like the idea, stay up north and enjoy a hockey game on one of those water hoarding ice skating rinks.
Climate change has put us into this terrible predicament, lack of water and too many snow birds. How are we to address this issue and solve our crisis. There are places in this country where they have too much water. Each year we see terrible stories of areas where rivers and lakes are overflowing their banks and causing unspeakable damage and suffering. Maybe we should figure out a way to get that extra water from these places in the Midwest and East that want to be rid of it to California, where we need it. We could build a pipeline to transport water but a bunch of red states have already said they would not allow a pipeline that would bring water to California to cross their land. If it was an oil pipeline, that would be a different story. Maybe it’s time for California to get tough. How about we hold all movies hostage. We won’t let the studios release the next Tom Cruise movie, Marvel epic or Indiana Jones episode until some of these wet red states start helping out. That’ll teach them.
I think I will now kick back and listen to the rain fall. Need to relax a little before I turn on the news and listen to the anchors screaming about mudslides caused by the downpours that the rain will grow brush that will fuel future wildfires and declarations saying the drought is not over. If you lived out here you would understand. It never ends.
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