At one time, I was thinking about joining a cult. Surprising isn’t it? You’re probably wondering why I would want to make such a drastic, life changing decision. It’s simple, I wanted to think less. My brain was full of so many things to worry about, I needed a break. What do I wear today, what show should I watch on TV tonight, how should I cut my hair, what should I do with my retirement account, and should I take a life saving vaccine to protect mine and the people’s lives around me? You know, the small things. Plus, I’m lazy and was ready to let someone else make the hard decisions.
Most of my life I didn’t get cults and I had always thought that only a few, weak minded people could fall under the spell of some charismatic leader and do whatever they are told, without question. I always thought we humans were infused with this “free will” thing. I may have been wrong. Yes, I can be wrong…and stop laughing. I can hear you.
My potential decision was based on a little research I did about cults and I emphasize “little.” At that point in my life it might have been easier to become a member and let someone else tell me what to believe and what to do. For example, I could have dealt with wearing the same uniform everyday. No more trying to keep up with the style trends. There would have been the bowl type haircut but that wouldn’t have been a problem considering I don’t have much hair left to cut as it is. Living in tight quarters with hundreds of other lemmings, I mean members, might have been uncomfortable at first but I thought I would get used to it. Of course, they may not have gotten used to my snoring. Considering that they usually didn’t have electricity, they would not have had a plug for my CPAP device? Wait, this is starting to sound like my time in the Army.
From my research, these cults lived off the grid and far from the madding crowd. They tended to grow their own food and I like gardening. Members made their own clothes. That might have explained the simple, uniform like style. These groups also tended to worship their leader as if they were a god, or the reincarnation of God. That started to worry me. If everyone is praising the leader of the cult, who’s going to think I was special and heap praise on me? Now that would have been a bummer.
I went back and started to expand my research on cults and I found some chilling and deadly information. Three cults that popped up on Google when I typed in the word “cult” into the search bar were Heaven’s Gate, Branch Davidians and Jim Jones’ Peoples Temple. All three were following charismatic leaders and all ended up with mass suicides. Wait, what? This I had a problem with. I may have wanted to free myself from the normal burdens of life but not to that point. If I were dead, how could I follow my favorite sports teams. Does that sound selfish?
I thought my concerns about cults were behind me, until now. It seems that cults have become the mainstream. These cults are a little bit different than the ones before. They still, allegedly, follow a charismatic leader or cause but they no longer live on the fringe. They are right out in the open, living next door, at work, playing golf with you and, unlike in the past, instead of being frowned on by the media, they are promoted by many of the purveyors of what we used to call “news.”
When did these cults get so brazen to come out in the open. I can’t be sure, but cults have become commonplace. There’s the gun cult. After every tragic shooting at a school, hoards of people start spouting how more guns will make us safer, despite the fact that guns are a danger to our children. Leaders of this cult have decided to double down on their beliefs by having their families, including children, posed in front of Christmas trees armed to the max as if they were going to storm the beaches at Normandy. These alleged Christians are really trying to spread a different kind of peace and love than what I’ve read in the bible. Really, do you want a 6 year old carrying around a loaded weapon of war in public. I fear the damage one of these kids can do with a Nerf gun.
After a free and very fair election, a large cult of followers of the loser began to spout all kinds of conspiracy theories claiming the opposite. The issue with that is, the loser is not at all charismatic (the guy eats McDonald’s all day long – can you imagine the smell) and the government he allegedly led, said the election was free and fair. The only one who said the opposite was the former guy, who is a confirmed pathological liar. Nevertheless, the devoted cult followers continue to spread the lies and add more as they move forward. The minions who seem to keep this cult growing include a guy selling bad pillows, another with a hair dye and drinking problem and a pardoned, then re-indicated felon who looks like he hasn’t bathed in a year…oh, yea…and the media which seems to have forgotten their real mission, that thing called the truth.
I am now convinced I should never join a cult and give my whole existence over to a cause that will only end in disappointment and tragedy.
Just checked the clock. Time to put on my Chicago Bears shirt, flannel bottoms, socks, hat, my Mike Ditka wig, mustache, and sunglasses. I’m going to shut out the world around me and get in my lounge chair to watch the Bears, Packers game. Time for my mantra, “Da Bears.”
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