“Someone stole my bike!” That is what I was yelling as I came running into the house yesterday after I was straightening up my garage after a project and discovered my bicycle was missing. In my garage, everything has a place. If I move something for a project, when finished, I move the item back to its anointed location. When finished with said project, I look around to make sure all the spaces that are supposed to have something in it, do. That is also a sign that my memory isn’t quite what it used to be and this system is to make sure I don’t lose anything important. Now, back to talking about where I put my keys?
I have been working on a project that has been going for years. Every winter, when the temperature drops and we have a little rain, a bench I hand built for my mother-in-law, starts flaking paint. I have tried everything possible to have this bench go at least two years without losing it’s paint with no success. I guess it keeps me busy on a gray, rainy winter’s day and prevents me from roaming the streets and joining a gang. Hey, I’m the king of rationalization.
I had been working on the project for about three days when I noticed my bike was missing. When could that have happened? I figured it was one of the times I ducked into the house to go to the bathroom (maybe the 5th or 6th time in 2 hours) and I left the garage door open. According to my thinking, some thief noticed my beautiful bike and walked off with it…or rode off with it. That might have been quicker. Unfortunately, that has happened to me before but it wasn’t my bike, it was my son’s. Since I am a world class athlete at “jumping to conclusions,” I took an Olympic worthy leap and decided that is what happened.
I was seething, mainly at myself, for leaving the garage door open. It was like I was asking for someone to steal my precious bike. So what did I do? I ran into the house whining and whimpering about my lost bike. I was met with a smirk on my wife’s face. You know the one, the one indicating she was really enjoying the situation. I was baffled and confused. Is that redundant. I don’t think so, because I’m pretty good at multitasking. She then assured me that my bike was not stolen. I then had a baffled and confused look on my face (there I go again. I need to look up the word redundant.).
She paused for a few seconds before she said, “I wondered when you were going to notice.” I ride my bike on a regular basis. It is part of my workout routine. I ride it at least 4 times a week. I had not been on it for the time I was working so hard on repairing the bench and I didn’t notice it missing.
It turns out she had taken my bike to the store where I purchased it to get it a tune-up. I had been complaining about the gears not working and other small details, so she decided to surprise me and get it fixed and cleaned up as a birthday present. Isn’t that sweet. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had someone steal it and trash it because I have had a few issues from riding my bike. I need to rewrite that last sentence. I’ve had a few issues resulting from falling off my bike.
You know those bike riders who wear tight spandex outfits, on their very expensive bicycles with their feet bolted to the pedals and their fancy, painted helmets and riding gloves…that’s not me. First, I think there are local laws that would prevent someone who looks like me riding around in public wearing skin-tight spandex. That would be an affront to humanity. Second, I could never afford one of those skinny tire bikes, with a titanium frame, that serious riders use. I think one costs just short of a BMW. I ride my fat tire bike for the fun of it and the health benefits it offers. I will never do a 100 mile ride up the coast or ever participate in the Tour de France. I just ride my bike around the neighborhood…and from my experience, that can be dangerous.
In the years since I started riding, I have had several bike accidents. One involved a truck, a couple where the bike slid out from under me, and one that I have no memory of. The latter one put me in the hospital for five days. I’m starting to think my wife took my bike in to have airbags installed or a lock that I couldn’t open.
I was pretty messed up after my memory robbing accident. My poor family was at the hospital with me, worried, while enduring a litany of my bad jokes. Maybe the doctor thought that was a result of the traumatic brain injury I suffered. My son assured him that is how I always act.
My wife does express her concern about me taking my bike out into the cruel world, but she has never demanded that I give up my bad habit. I do appreciate that. I do keep my head up and on a swivel just in case. You never know when a distracted driver might take you out even though you are in the bike lane. I ride a bike to enjoy being outside and to stay healthy, so I am going to keep riding. Time to saddle up. Now for my check list before my ride. Helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, Kevlar vest and my life alert badge, just in case I fall and can’t get up. Where the hell did I put my bike?
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