I know as much about investing as I do brain surgery. That’s why I find it dangerous to see television commercials encouraging me to try investing on-line. Really? That would be as stupid as encouraging me to go on-line to learn how to do my own brain surgery. It didn’t work well when I tried (and dental floss makes terrible sutures) and I’m not taking the same chance with the little bit of money I have left.
While I was engaging in my favorite activity while watching the Super Bowl, critiquing all the over produced commercials, I noticed a bevy of ads for money that is not really money, CryptoCurrency. I went online to investigate and learn more about this new form of money and by the time I finished, I didn’t learn anything and my brain hurt (The latter may have been a side effect of my at home surgical procedure). I was completely and thoroughly confused by CryptoCurrency. From what I read, it is nothing more than electronic bursts from one place to another with nothing to show as a result…and it is the hottest thing in investing. When people try to explain what it is to me, they really don’t say anything that makes sense. I hear about how the “gold standard” was dropped decades ago and Crypto is taking its place…or not. I think I just popped a dental floss stitch in my forehead.
I must confess that I am clueless about all investing. I do get the premise of investing in stocks but do not understand what makes the price rise or fall. The country’s economy may be cruising along at a record setting pace and the stock market will take a major dump based on the headlines. Our economy could have a 1929 like crash and stocks will soar. Really? Stuffing what money I do have in a mattress makes more sense.
I do have money in the market but I do not have anything to do with it except saying “yes” when my financial advisor calls and recommends a move. I’ve known the guy for years, he’s good at his job and I trust him. I look at my statement occasionally and see that I usually have more money than the last time I checked it. That works for me and won’t give me an ulcer trying to keep track of my financial activity. I’m not really good at math. I asked my algebra teacher in high school, “What am I going to do with this later in life?” I was right, I do nothing with it, I just hired a guy who does it for me.
There is one investment I am involved in that I understand a little bit. I’m the proud owner of a small collection of sports memorabilia. Autographed jerseys, signed footballs, team helmets, multiple baseball cards and bobble heads are a part of my hoard. While I’m pretty sure all of my collectibles have grown in value since I received them as gifts or purchased them, the increase in value will not benefit me in my lifetime. Since my stash consists of prizes from my favorite teams and athletes, I can’t imagine ever selling them for a profit. They’re too precious to me. My sons have a different point of view. They are already talking about how they are going to divide the collection upon my passing. Looking at their plan to profit from my demise, it makes more sense to me than CryptoCurrency. (What they don’t know, I left it all to the cat.)
My best investment is my house. It has doubled in price since I bought it 8 years ago. I’m renting it out at this time and it’s a money maker. I pay very little to maintain it, watch the value grow and get a nice little dividend each month from my tenant. I’m also under pressure from realtors and investment companies to sell it now and cash in. Wow, I would have a huge profit but I would lose my monthly income and if I wanted to buy a new house, I couldn’t afford the inflated prices of today’s houses. Even though I’m a complete dip-wad when it comes to investing, there are smarter people than I doing that exact thing. I wonder if buyers are using their CryptoCurrency to pay for these properties? “I’ll give you 450,000 electronic pulses for that little bungalow of yours, as long as you have a charger for my phone so I can complete the sale!”
It is not often that you hear about a company that is failing, becoming the hottest stock on Wall Street. Not very long ago, major investment advisors recommended shorting the stock for video game outlet, GameStop. What is shorting stock? Are the investors located in Bermuda and wearing ugly shorts to buy stock? I have no idea but I do know that it is not good for the company they decided to short.
This is usually lead by big “Hedge Funds.” When GameStop and other stocks were recommended for shorting, an on-line protest began and out of nowhere, people started buying GameStop stock and the company’s value skyrocketed, even though the business itself was struggling There are many on-line communities that encouraged buying the stock to “stick it to” the large hedge fund managers. There was a lot of complaining from said managers about how unfair it was that people who never play the stock market were screwing with their plans to profit from the demise of a certain company. I will pause while everyone plays their tiniest violins. A lot of “I never play the stock market,” people actually made some very good money from their daring deed, and they’re holding onto the stocks they purchased to thumb their nose at the Wall Street establishment. A year ago, Game Stop was close to being worthless and it now is at $126.00 as of this writing. Almost as good of an investment as that autographed Mike Ditka card I have on my dresser.
Even with that David and Goliath story, I’m still not going to personally get involved in investing. I am very careful with my money. I will leave it to the experts. Instead, I’m getting ready to head to Las Vegas to try out my new system on Roulette. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to make it work. What could go wrong.
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