Ya know what I really don’t care for? I can’t stand being in line at the mini-mart or a gas station to purchase my big gulp Diet Coke, only to have it lose all its carbonation while some yahoo is dominating the checkout for the purpose of practicing their gambling addiction of buying lottery tickets. When I walk into one of these facilities I look around for that one person who has a notebook under their arm and waiting their turn in line to go make their (usually) daily purchase. If I see them, it means I need to find another mini-mart, drive to it and purchase my daily addiction of a 32 ounce Diet Coke. It would get me home sooner than waiting behind someone with a gambling addiction
Once these people get to the counter, they start handing over old tickets to see if they are winners. You know the people, the ones who could just go to the little machine they have in these stores and check the tickets themselves, but no, they have to do it at the cash register. After finding out that they won a total of $2 from the 50 tickets they had checked, they start handing over today’s slips to purchase a new batch of lotto tickets. This takes time, my time while I’m forced to wait. I could be using this time to be at home, snoozing in my lounge chair with my big gulp on the table next to my chair and a ball game on the television. I’ll never get that precious time back. It doesn’t end there. After they’re finished purchasing their lotto tickets, they act like they just noticed the scratch off cards that are located under a window in the counter. They casually survey the offerings, ask the clerk a few questions and then start buying scratchers. Once they finish their first purchase of scratch-offs, they turn as if they are going to leave, then turn back and decide to purchase a few more. This can happen several times. Once they leave, I finally get to step up and pay for my very flat soft drink in which all the ice has melted.
It’s not confined to mini-marts. My local supermarket has a lottery scratcher vending machine. I have seen people who keep going back to the machine and repeatedly buy tickets after throwing away the losing ones they just bought. It was a sad sight but they just may be a victim of the advertising that shows playing the lottery is fun…until your wallet is empty.
I must confess that I have purchased lottery tickets. I get swept up in the excitement of a jackpot well over a half a billion dollars and I will purchase a few “quick-picks” while paying for my Diet Coke. The fantasy of winning that kind of cash helps me deal with the fact that my soft drink tastes like a cup of watered down syrup.
When I start thinking of what I would do with that much money my bubble usually gets burst by my wife who reminds me that the government will be taking about half of it in taxes. I begin to rationalize and say to myself, I could live on the $300 million left, so what?
First thing I think, because I know God is watching, is donating a huge hunk of my winnings to help the poor. I am willing to bet that many players do, thinking that will move our Lord to help their numbers come up. Apparently God doesn’t care about the lottery, because that trick has never seemed to work for me. I have to remind myself that those folks who do win the lottery are not thinking about the downtrodden. They’re thinking of the giant beach house they want to buy in Palm Beach, Hawaii or Newport Beach. Of course if they do win the lottery and buy those houses, they’ll have the money to put them on stilts to prevent them from being under water when the ice caps melt.
If I do win the lottery with one of my random ticket purchases, I do have a few things in mind. First, I would fly back to Chicago, first class of course (always wanted to do that) and buy myself a really nice condo in the Michigan Avenue area, maybe in the Hancock building. I would then buy season ticket packages to the Cubs, White Sox, Bears, Black Hawks and Bulls. I know there is no way for me to attend all those games but I have enough relatives back there who would love to sit in the box seats at Wrigley in my place. This would help change their attitude towards me and they would start liking me…right? Why does the Beatles song “Can’t Buy Me Love,” come to mind?
Next I would buy a couple other homes. I would let my wife get her dream house near the ocean, I would buy a cabin on my favorite lake (I’ll keep this location secret so all you losers don’t come clamoring to my door for a handout), and one that will allow us to escape the heat of summer. Since summer it seems to stretch from March to November, we’ll be spending a lot of time there. A reminder to myself, get in touch with a contractor who knows how to put beach houses on stilts.
I would do a few other things. Yes, I would make a big donation to the poor. I’m not an idiot. God may not be interested in the lottery but he’s watching what I’m doing with it. I’m sure I would buy that hot sports car I always wanted, do a lot of traveling to places I always wanted to see, and I could afford to join one of those weight loss groups or get a personal trainer, because I’ll probably be gaining a ton of weight from eating my way around the world.
My wife just reminded me that I have kids and maybe I should do something for them. Ok, I’ll make sure to set up a trust for them that will force them to keep working until they’re 65, like I did, and then they can have a nice retirement waiting for them. You think that’s harsh? Geez, they should appreciate the gesture. Since the Republicans are indicating that they want to kill Social Security and Medicare, which we all paid into for our whole working life, at least they’ll have something to live on in their golden years. What, still not enough?
I have won a lottery. It was back in 1970 and I didn’t have to buy a ticket to enter. It was called the draft lottery and the number they drew for my birthday was low enough to gain my entry into the American Armed Forces. When I arrived at the induction center, I asked where the giant check showing my winnings was? A lot of people in uniform started laughing. You wonder why I’m not a fan of the lottery.
©2022 BBRiley.net
bbriley.net 