From my count, I have about 18 faithful followers so I think it’s time that I get a big buck endorsement deal. I’m sure my followers will buy whatever I pitch. How can any big company pass that up? Nike, Coca Cola, Gucci, Channel or McDonald’s, I’m waiting. It won’t take much to land me to be the spokesperson for their product. Something like $40 million over 5 years and a open ended gift card from their company to cover my shopping needs for those 5 years. Hello, anybody?
I just didn’t jump into this plan willy nilly. I did my research. Which companies overpaid for half hearted endorsements were first on my list. Does Mathew McConaughey actually say something good about the Lincoln he’s driving or is he just philosophizing about how boring his life is. How about Tom Selleck pushing reverse mortgages? Do we really believe that a rich guy like Selleck actually knows anything about reverse mortgages? I also looked at companies that were willing to use celebrities to endorse their product in spite of having a sketchy reputation. Dior, if you can have Johnny Depp playing his guitar out in the desert to promote your men’s fragrances, you can have me playing a kazoo for half the price and a reputation that is far less muddied than “Captain Jack Sparrow.”
My other choice is going after companies that have dropped celebrity endorsers because they said or did something that crossed the line of credibility. I know Adidas finally dropped Kanye West for his outrageous comments and Nike finally ended their deal with Kyrie Irving of the New York Nets because of his questionable stance on many issues. They stuck with them as long as they were bringing in money but someone must have noticed that the public was getting sick and tired of their act and started buying other brands. Did you think these corporations dropped them because it was the right thing to do? Aren’t you naive? It was because their bottom line was being threatened.
I know this “celebrity endorsement” business is a dog eat dog competition. There are so many athletes out their endorsing shoes it has created a group of buyers known as “sneaker heads” These are young men, who wait for the next big, athlete endorsed, shoe release so they can buy them for the price of a small car and then put them on display in a room in their house, never to be worn. These shoes are like action figures from some of the biggest science fiction movies. They are purchased and never leave the box because in 30 or 40 years, someone will pay them a wad of money to buy it as a collectors item. The name of the athlete attached to the shoe makes a huge difference. Even though Michael Jordan has been retired nearly 20 years, he is still at the top of the heap of celebrity endorsers. Jordan branded shoes go back almost 40 years and are worth their weight in gold. No wonder the guy is a billionaire. I’m sure I had a pair of Jordan’s but I wore them out in about six months showing off my devastating moves on the basketball court. Hey, I can hear you laughing. Stop it.
Our televisions are filled with an array of different celebrities pushing all kinds of different products. At one time, Bill Cosby promoted Jello. He’ll probably gets an extra Jello while in prison considering his connections to the product. Brooke Shields pushing Calvin Klein Jeans when she was just a wee child created a firestorm of controversy. Letting a child pose partially nude to promote jeans, scandalous. It may not have seemed so bad just after she just appeared in a movie as a child prostitute in “Pretty Baby,” and half naked in “Blue Lagoon.”
A question for you. When was the last time you turned on your TV and did not see Hall of Fame QB Peyton Manning? He is everywhere. I would complain but he is actually very funny. He has also opened the door for his whole family to cash in on endorsements. Brother Eli, Connor and dad Archie regularly join Peyton in commercials. It’s like a regular sitcom. Can’t wait for the next episode.
Ray Charles played both sides of a rivalry. In the 1960s he appeared in ads for Coca Cola but he is probably more associated with the ads he did for the Super Bowl pushing Pepsi. Say it ain’t so Ray.
Former boxer, at least I think he finally retired, George Foreman has a famous grill named after him due to his endorsement.
State Farm has wrangled famous athletes Chris Paul, Aaron Rogers and Patrick Mahomes to help Jake promote their insurance. I love it when an endorser is willing to make fun of themselves. An example is Shaquille O’Neal who endorses many different products, while making fun of his ability of making free throws.
I do have to be careful. If I endorse a product, I could become liable in case that product is not what it was advertised as. The best example, and what eventually became case law, was a product endorsed by Pat Boone decades ago. It was an acne product that he said helped his daughters stay blemish free. At the time Pat Boone was endorsing quite a few products but this one came back to bite him. It turns out the product was useless and the company could not back up their claims. Boone was sued and lost. To his credit, he agreed to pay restitution and I am sure he was more careful in the future. The All-America boy’s image was tarnished.
There may be a new legal battle going on for a few celebrity endorsers. With the huge failure of FTX, a crypto currency broker, spokespersons like Tom Brady, the G.O.A.T. of the NFL, NBA wonder child Stephen Curry and America’s favorite curmudgeon, Larry David, creator of the Seinfeld series, may have to answer for their endorsements of FTX. The collapse of FTX will cost investors billions. That is like almost half of these guys annual salary (excuse the commentary on the overpayment of athletes, but I couldn’t resist). The commercials these celebrities did were very good and if I had any money, I might have bought into this scam (am I being too harsh?). There is a lot of confusion going on about this current financial scandal and it will take years to sort it out but I’m pretty sure some folks will be going to jail. Of course by the time they do figure out who’s liable, they won’t throw Brady into jail due to his advanced age, and because he’ll have a game to play on Sunday.
I finally got an endorsement deal. A kid down the street has a lemonade stand and he has offered me $5 bucks not to come anywhere near it. My wife says it’s probably because he doesn’t want me to scare off any customers. I say it’s because I’ll draw a crowd and he won’t be able to handle it. Hey, it’s a start.
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