There are people in this world who amaze me. They are either fearless, endlessly talented, or just plain stupid. They accomplish feats of which that I can only dream of. It is just not feats like skydiving. By the way, why jump out of a plane operating at peak efficiency…just for fun. It baffles me. That is one of the things you will never catch me trying. I have decided to compile a list of things that I will never do for various reasons. See if you agree and if you don’t, one of the things I will never do is to listen to your reasoning on why you don’t agree with me. Readers said what?
I will never swim with sharks. My middle son lacks fear. He has jumped out of a plane, gone across the middle to catch a pass knowing he was going to be crushed by a couple of linebackers twice his size, and he has gone swimming with sharks. Why? I have no idea! When we dare to venture into the ocean we are going into a shark’s habitat, and the rules say, they’re allowed to eat us. We also have to be aware of giant squid, barracudas, and killer whales who are attacking the boats humans venture out onto the water in. (Apparently payback for us making them do silly tricks for the public at the Sea Worlds around the country.) I have no desire to become human sushi for a “Jaws”-wanna be.
I will never solve a Rubik’s Cube. I just saw a piece on the news where a young man solved a Rubik’s Cube in 3.145 seconds. I don’t think there is anything I can do in 3.145 seconds. I’m still trying to solve the Rubik’s cube I started 35 years ago. If nothing, I’m persistent.
I will never golf my age. This is something I do not have control over. I have no idea how long I’m going to live. At the rate I’m going, with my game I may need to live into my hundreds to accomplish this goal for a full round of golf! I’m going to keep trying. I guess my only chance is to end my round of golf when my score reaches my current age. At that point I leave the course, with 11 holes to play. A technicality, but challenge accomplished.
I will never balance my checkbook. I have been working on this for decades. I’m not gifted at accounting. I’m a right brain type of guy and full of creativity and not very good at technical stuff, like those left brain geeks. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it. Can someone help me figure out why my checkbook is off a touch, like the size of the national debt.
I will never buy a motorcycle. I think the favorite pass-time of motorcycle riders is sharing stories on how they crashed and survived their motorcycle accidents. I really don’t want to hear about how the rider missed a turn and ran head on into a public fountain. Or when they hit a puddle and laid down on their bike, burning a hole through their jeans and scorching their legs. I also can’t see me weaving through rush hour traffic, between lanes while avoiding drivers who have no idea that a motorcycle is right next to them. I was involved in that kind of accident, when a big burly guy was trying to cut around a stopped mini-van in traffic and hit the vehicle. The rider went flying ass over tea kettle, and his riderless motorcycle eventually hit my car. Weeks later I heard, when I was awarded a settlement from his insurance company, the rider was still unconscious in the hospital. I guess his little German Army style helmet didn’t do the job it was supposed to do.
I will never be President of the United States. It takes a special person willing to submit themselves to such abuse to become the leader of the free world. If they do succeed in getting the job, there are plenty of perks. How about your own 747 to travel all over the place? But is it worth it? Most who have served, have done the job as best they can, then happily left, leaving the stress to the next victim…I mean duly elected candidate, except one.
I will not write the great American novel. I’m sure Ernest Hemingway, J. D. Salinger and Mark Twain have the patience of a saint while writing for hours, days and months to construct the great works of literature that made them famous. Me, I have the attention span of a fruit fly. I can sit and write for a short while but will get distracted and move onto other and less enriching endeavors. That nap isn’t going to take itself. My train-of-thought can be so easily derailed. Probably a good thing. I’m sure if I was allowed to rattle on, I would probably get off point and become less interesting. Ok, what was I talking about?
I’m sure there are thousands of things I will never do but I narrowed it down to these few. You have to understand that I get distracted easily. A squirrel just ran by my window and I have to go look at it. Ooo, squirrel!
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