My wife and I enjoyed a Mexican Rivera cruise for the New Year’s holiday. I might have enjoyed it even more if the ship’s Captain had not wanted to party and asked me to drive the cruise ship on New Year’s Eve. Hey, I was able to blow the horn at midnight. I did get pulled over by the Coast Guard and breathalyzed due to bumping into Catalina Island. The Wrigley family can be touchy. Does that DUI Law Firm, 1800NoCuffs, do maritime drunk driving cases?
That didn’t really happen, or did it?
This was our third cruise together. We were fortunate to share our time with other couples with much more cruise experience. One couple is on the brink of being “Elite Cruisers,” which brings a hoard of extra benefits. I’m not sure what they are, so I’ll make one up. Once these folks reach the “Elite” status, they get one of those cute little Captain hats to wear on board. There were plenty of passengers wearing those silly little hats. They wouldn’t wear them unless they knew something. Maybe the hat was a signal that instead of one complimentary drink, they would receive two. It could have been a way of being admitted into a private club room used by all the “Elite” cruisers and avoiding us Pleps (Roman for common folks—pick up a history book once in a while). What might have given that away was how a ship’s crew member would follow behind these special passengers and hold an umbrella to protect them from the sun.
Despite not being an “Elite” passenger, we still enjoyed relaxing in the lap of luxury. One example was that I could get something to eat, no matter what time. There was always a snack available. As the passengers consume more of the delicious food available and their weight skyrockets, I’ve wondered if the ship’s crew has to add more ballast to offset the fatter passengers on the upper decks. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought the same thing.
Cruise ships make an effort to accommodate every whim of their passengers. I was constantly asked if I needed a drink or something to eat. Our cabin steward was always “ready” to make our bed, clean the bathroom, or provide us with more towels, despite me being in the shower at the time. He at least was nice enough to wash my back while he was there. Talk about dedicated to their job.
The reason for all this excellent service is the pursuit of tips. These employees depend on the tips passengers give them. When we signed up for the vacation, we prepaid for the tips. We were going to pay tips one way or another. The Cruise line will add them at the end of our trip, if we didn’t pay them beforehand. Apparently, they haven’t told their crew members this. If they knew, what would be their incentive to go the extra mile for a passenger? I would never have received those clean, fluffy towels if they knew their tip was guaranteed.
This cruise was the roughest one I have ever been on. I called it the “Shake, Rattle, and Roll” cruise. The ship was lurching back and forth due to the high seas. It was rolling back and forth, and our stateroom creaked like the Mayflower all night, making it difficult to sleep. Thank goodness for lounge chairs on the upper deck. Those little naps in the sun made up for the rough nights…with the help of a Mai Tai.
I learned that my stomach does fine in rough seas. I have always had a patch behind my ear as a precaution but the doctor would not give me one because I was over 64 and it would make me prone to falling. Apparently holding on to the rails along the deck, while vomiting made me more secure. I did buy a bottle of Dramamine pills in case I experienced nausea but I forgot to take the pills and fortunately had no problems. I also learned that motion sickness pills do not help if you have too many Mai Tais at a New Year’s Eve party.
We stopped at three different cities along the Mexican Coast. First, Cabo San Lucas is a popular stop for American tourists, whether on cruise ships or flying in. The view from the ship of the rocks and jagged shoreline was something to behold. The bay around the city was full of activity, like fishing boats heading out searching for a giant marlin. Boats pulling tourists hanging from a parachute while hooked to a cable and jet skis drivers doing their best to have some deadly accidents. I decided to stay on the ship while the rest of the group went ashore. While they enjoyed bargaining with the locals at the shops around the harbor, I read a book and enjoyed a few malted beverages, if you know what I mean. You can’t drink all day unless you get an early start. I also included a stop at the specialty dessert counter. I had a choice of five different ice cream sundaes. They were loaded with cheesecake, tiramisu, and other decadent treats while topped with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I hope my wife overlooked the sugar coma I was in when she got back onboard.
Our second stop was Mazatlan. As they left the ship, I joined everyone and enjoyed going through the markets. Again, many shop owners were willing to bargain their prices. What surprised me was how many items they had featuring my beloved Chicago Bears and Cubs logos. Ya think these souvenirs are geared towards the majority of the passengers on our ship? The weather was surprisingly cool, considering we were now below the Tropic of Cancer.
Our final destination was Puerto Vallarta. One of my daily routines was to walk around the ship early in the morning while the ship was moving into the dock. After seven days on this ship, I could have pulled off parking this boat in a very tight spot. Puerto Vallarta might have been the most beautiful port I have seen. It is set up for tourism. I’m not surprised, considering how many game show winners from the United States win trips to this tropical beauty. I thought I saw a sign that said, “Welcome to the second home of The Price Is Right!”
I did experience one disappointment on the cruise. I did not see the Discovery Princess’ captain try to resolve some of the passengers’ personal problems. Captain Stubbing of the Love Boat would not be happy.
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