Just before I left on my summer vacation, I received a notice that I had been called for jury duty. When I told my friends, they universally talked about how much they hate jury duty and the best ways of getting out of it. I take a different position on jury duty. Like voting, participating in jury duty is one of the responsibilities of a citizen while participating in our democracy.
Now that I got that out of the way, from what I have seen in movies and television, if I get on a jury, I can singlehandedly affect the final decision of said jury with my investigation abilities, excellent debating skills, and the ability to pull a rabbit out of my hat at the last minute to arrive at the correct verdict. I will not “literally” pull a rabbit out of a hat. I think I’m allergic to rabbits, and the sneezing, watery eyes, and hives will get in the way of me convincing the other 11 jurors to come to my side.
My inspiration for being that kind of juror was Henry Fonda in the movie “12 Angry Men.” Fonda is the only juror who thinks the defendant may not have committed the crime. He’s locked in a sweltering room (a lot of wiping of brows with handkerchiefs…who still carries a handkerchief?) with one guy, Lee J. Cobb, yelling at each juror for changing their vote to join Fonda in acquitting the defendant. A lot of the drama was based on racism. Pretty forward-thinking for the mid-1950s.
I am a big fan of courtroom dramas. I have been watching Law & Order on television since I was a little boy. It started in black and white before color was available, right? The jury on L&O’s only job was to sit there during the trial and making faces when a devastating piece of evidence was revealed. Every once in a blue moon, a juror would become part of the storyline. The reason was that the defense had compromised them to swing the rest of the jurors in their favor. I would only do that if it involves season tickets to Bears games. Hey, everyone has a price. After a short diversion about the juror, they return to the good-looking lead prosecutor, attractive female sidekick, and the always sleazy defendant. It Usually ends when the jury foreperson (The only juror with any lines, meaning the actor who says the line gets paid more, I want that job) announces the verdict. It doesn’t always go the way of the prosecution, but we always know the defendant was guilty, and they will get their comeuppance…is that a word?
A few years ago, a new “lawyer” show on television was called “Bull.” The basis of the show was that Bull, played by Michael Weatherly, is a jury consultant who helped clients make sure they picked a jury that would be sympathetic. It was a fascinating show, and the theory is that juries could be chosen to fit a specific need. It was a bummer when I found out that “Bull” was created by and based on the experiences of Dr. Phil. I’m not a big fan of a guy who embarrasses people while exposing their deepest personal issues on national television…and why has my wife asked me to go on that show with her?
When I had a real job (that paid real money), every time I received a jury summons, my boss would give me a thousand ways of getting out of it, and none of them were valid. He wants me sitting next to him and making the final adjustments on a magazine, instead of spending and extended period of time administrating justice. I sat in court and watched as juror after juror did exactly what my boss said, only to have the judge say, “See you tomorrow morning at eight, and don’t be late.”
With all the times I have been called for jury duty, you would think I’d have a boatload of stories about the cases I sat on. One problem with that is that I have never sat on a jury. I have never proceeded to the point where the lawyers and judge could ask me questions about my bias, if I know someone connected to the case, whether I believe in the death penalty, and so on. Not once, and I’m willing to serve. I noticed that as they were interviewing other candidates for the jury, while I was in the gallery, everyone who said they had the time and were willing to serve was dismissed. Anyone who was pleading to be left off the jury for a variety of reasons was usually chosen. Maybe the lawyers just chose people who wanted to get this experience over in a hurry. Then, the attorneys can thank the judge, get out of court, and bill the client as fast as possible…win or lose.
I must have a look that scares the attorneys off. I’m not sure what, but maybe I’m too old, too middle-class, and too reasonable. I think the only jury I would get selected for is one that is on a Trump case. That would not be good for Trump.
I’m reporting as scheduled for jury duty with no excuses to avoid serving. I might sit in the jury room for hours and then be dismissed, but I will have done my constitutional duty. To be honest, I’m really in it for the big payday. If I get on a jury, I think it’s $15 a day for serving. That should pay for a stop at McDonald’s to celebrate my service on the jury. I hope they have the MacRib sandwich. If you think I love them, I’m guilty as charged.
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