I annoy my wife a bit. Okay, I know that is not a news flash, but what I am referring to is how I successfully predict what is going to happen in a mystery show my wife and I are watching moments before it happens. I’m usually right, and it takes the suspense out of watching the “mystery.” I usually follow up my successful prediction with the statement, “I could write this stuff.”
My wife and I love watching murder mystery shows. Besides the network shows, we subscribe to BritBox and Acorn TV. These two apps bring us the best of British murder mystery shows with a wide array of colorful characters who run around the English Countryside killing people and solving murders. One of our favorites was Vera. This older, overweight detective berates her subordinates, drives a beat-up Land Rover Defender, wears the same clothes in every episode, and avoids human contact outside her job. What a fun show (Again, sarcasm. Make a note for future reference.)
Even though Vera is a darker, brooding show, it, too, can be predictable. Like many murder mysteries we it is full of red herrings. The story leads us on a wild goose chases, thinking we (the viewer) are on the way to discovering the suspect, only to find out their alibi is solid. We usually meet the murderer in the first few moments of the show. They are a distraught relative, bystander, or an acquaintance of the victim. The investigators dismiss them at first, then finally come around and realize they may be the perpetrator at the end when a piece of critical evidence is pulled out of someone’s a&&. Sorry for my colorful commentary.
I will point out who I think the murderer is to my wife in the first couple of minutes of the show, and will usually be proven correct by the end. This really pisses my wife off, ruining the show for her. After my early revelation and over explained reasoning and she misses much of the plot. I’ve done it enough that she has finally said, “Let’s move on to a Hallmark movie.” There’s nothing predictable there.
Any Agatha Christie murder mystery is just like what I just described and set the standard for all murder mystery writers who followed. Do we really believe the police allow a detective to gather all the suspects in a room and let them rattle on for about a half hour before revealing the real murderer? The killer always cooperates by confessing and revealing how and why they committed the gruesome crime.
There are some detective/murder shows where there is no mystery whatsoever. The first that comes to mind is Columbo, which stars Peter Falk. It was easy to figure out who the murderer was by seeing who the major guest star was. They were always the ones who did it. Columbo had Dick Van Dyke as the killer. How dare they. I never liked the show or how they messed with my perception of certain actors. A newer version of Columbo is now on television. It is Elsbeth on CBS. The main character is quirky, dresses funny and annoying, and somehow knows who the killer is before gathering any evidence. Where’s the fun in that?
I love a good who-done-it, even if I figure out who did it early—good exercise for my very aged brain. There is no shortage of this kind of show.
You probably ask, “If you’re so good at figuring out these mysteries, why don’t you try writing one?”
Naw, that’s never going to happen…that’s real work. I assume real mystery writers construct the ending first, then build a bridge from the murder to the perpetrator’s arrest. The writer fills the pages with clues, misdirection, character development, witty repartee, and the final apprehension of the criminal. Since I have the attention span of a gnat, my book would only be about ten pages long. Yes, I can B.S. with the best of them but I would get bored and finish the story. While it would save the publisher a bundle on the cost of buying paper for the printing, I think the guy reading it while sitting on the throne in the bathroom would hate it because the story would be finished before he was…if you know what I mean.
Another thing I like in my murder mysteries is a little humor. The ones filmed completely at night, with the main characters always looking like they are in a bad mood, are not as fun as the ones with lead detectives like Hercule Poirot, who is a bundle of eccentricities on his own.
Just to let you know, if for some reason my dead body is found somewhere, there will be no mystery as to who the killer is…it will be my wife. One evening, I will again reveal the murderer early in one of the shows we are watching, and she will snap. She will have already planned my demise and then carry out my death. I also know my three sons will be co-conspirators to cash in on the insurance policy. How do I know this from beyond the grave? Simple, I could write this stuff.
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