I enjoy watching the television game show “Jeopardy.” Almost every night at 7 p.m. I sit and watch as three contestants provide questions to a slew of trivia answers about a wide variety of subjects. It is amazing how quickly and accurately they can come up with the correct answer. These contestants are playing for quite a bit of money and in front of a television audience in the millions. I couldn’t handle the pressure. I break down when I get an ice cream cone at a parlor that offers more than one flavor. Isn’t vanilla good enough for everyone?
My sons have labeled me the “Fount of Useless Information,” because I can come up with some remote, totally off the wall tidbits of information about something that really does no one any good or that they could be possibly interested in knowing. For example, did you know Dale Evans (Wife of Roy Rogers) horse’s name was Buttermilk. The space in my brain that’s supposed to contain information on how to balance a checkbook has that kind of stuff stored instead. It just falls out sometimes. Also, can someone explain to me why I think I have a thousand dollars in my checking account but my checks still bounce?
It also makes me pretty good if a trivia contest comes along. I used to take one of those bus “turn arounds” to State Line Nevada to help raise money for some deserving cause and I would always win the trivia contest. I was on a cruise one time with a group of friends and we won the ship-wide trivia contest on the answer I gave to the question “Who did the U.S.A. beat to win the hockey gold medal in the 1980 Olympics.” All the other teams answered The Soviet Union, but I knew it was Finland. The win over Russia was in the semi-finals. Eh, being a hockey fan helped.
I know that people close to me have a hard time understanding how I could come up with such useless information when I have difficulty filling in my date of birth on a form. It’s a gift, or as my sons say, a defect.
Each night I sit on the sofa trying to answer all the questions on that particular night’s show. I’m really good at sports, TV, movies, politics and things like that but terrible at science (too many periodic table questions), 17th century literature (really, books from the 1600s) and math (like being back in high school). I also struggle with ones that require figuring out anagrams but I plug along and try. The truth is, you don’t have to know all the answers. Many times the answer is contained in how they structure the question . Example: The name of a world renowned technical institute located in Massachusetts. “What’s M.I.T. (Massachusetts Institute of Technology)?” Commander Spock would be impressed with my use of logic. By the way, did you know in the first pilot of Star Trek, Spock smiled and laughed…sorry, it sometimes just dribbles out.
My boys have pushed me to try out for Jeopardy one day and I keep refusing. I left the days of stressing about tests back in high school and college. I may know the answers but when I’m forced to come up with them on demand, my mind just goes blank…or as my wife says, any day of the week.
The way these contestants have answers to any category or question poised, I wonder what they do for fun, read encyclopedias? I can see them in a library somewhere with stacks of reference books surrounding them, preparing for their appearance. I guess they’ll “get a life” after winning a few million dollars.
Besides, the people on that show are very smart to start with and I’m as smart as a bag of hammers. They have teachers, lawyers, doctors, authors and Las Vegas gamblers…wait, what?
One of my favorite streaks on Jeopardy was when James Holzhauer was on the show. Unlike the typical nerd that participates on the show (sorry, but if you have that much minutia in your brain, you’re a nerd). Mr. Holzhauer is a gambler from Las Vegas who makes his living on sports betting. On top of that, he’s pretty smart. He rarely gave a wrong answer and he used gambling strategies to help him win. First thing he did was search for the Daily Doubles (a chance for the player to name their wager) and he would make huge bets if not betting it all, then give the correct answer. He became famous for simulating going all in on a poker hand during his run. On the 33rd show he was on, another contestant used his strategy against him and finally knocked him off. He didn’t suffer though. By the end of his run, he had made over $2 million. He followed that up with winning another $250,000 in the show’s Tournament of Champions. He has also been signed to another game show called “The Chase,” where contestants have to beat him to win their money. He’s done pretty well. I hope he shares some of that new found wealth with me. I was yelling the right answers right before he gave them. That should count for something.
One of the reasons I would struggle on Jeopardy is that contestants must give their correct answer in the form of a question. The clue is supposed to be the “answer” and the correct response is supposed to be the question. Example: Answer-Jeopardy. Question-What game show makes you come up with questions for provided answers? It’s hard enough to remember the correct answer but doing it that way may cause me to have an aneurysm. My brain hurts.
For my birthday this past year my lovely wife gave me an autographed photo of the late Alex Trebek. I have it hanging in my office just over my left shoulder. He made the show a success because he respected the intelligence of the show and its contestants. As of this writing, the show’s producers are still auditioning possible replacements for Alex. Unlike other game show hosts, they’re looking for someone who brings some intellect to the job and not just great hair and perfect teeth. I’d be the perfect replacement. My hair and teeth are horrible. I’ve been at home practicing being the host of Jeopardy. I just have to figure out when the contestants can buy a vowel.
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