It’s time for vacation, wahoo! When I say that to my middle aged sons, they roll their eyes and make some snarky remark about how I’m retired and on vacation everyday. Let me clarify. I am semi-retired. Yes, I no longer get up, get in the car and drive to a job for five days a week. I still work as a consultant for my previous employer and write on a regular basis. For those of you who claim this blog I write is basically me being retired and not trying very hard, I beg to differ. I do work hard at producing this delightful, witty and informative column on a regular basis. It’s not easy making all this stuff up. Wait, did I say that out loud?
Back to my topic. It’s vacation time and in a week, my wife and I are heading out on a road trip that will be taking us from California to the Midwest. We have about ten stops planned on our long drive and will spend a week with my sons fishing at a beautiful lake just off Lake Michigan. Many of you are wondering why I just don’t fly back and enjoy more time at my final destination. I’ll tell you why. Have you seen all those news reports of those crazies on planes who refuse to wear a mask and intend to punish everyone on the flight who does. They try to delay the flight, completely cancel the flight by their antics or threaten to take the plane down by trying to open a door in flight. Just yesterday I saw an article on a woman on a plane who had an episode and tried to open the door while in flight. The captain asked for assistance from the same passengers to help the flight crew restrain this lady. The picture with the article showed this lady firmly duct taped to her seat. This leads to the question, why do they need duct tape on a plane? Are they concerned that the wing might fall off and they can just duct tape it back on until they arrive at their destination? I think the tape worried me more than the crazy passenger.
Do you know who I am? I’m the guy who screams “We’re all going to die,” at the first hint of turbulence, even if the plane hits a bump while backing it out from the gate. Not a good mix with radical idiots. A good reason to serve alcohol as soon as passengers are seated.
Another reason I look forward to driving such a long distance is because I get to see this great country close up. You’ll never see the Wigwam Motel in Rialto, California, the buried Cadillacs in Amarillo, Texas or the largest ball of twine in Branson, Missouri from 35,000 feet up. I may be wrong about the ball of twine because I’ve never seen it. It might be as large as the Great Wall of China.
The United States is a cornucopia of different and beautiful landscapes. From the spacious skies, the amber waves of grain and the purple mountain majesty above the fruited plain. Those would be great lyrics for a song. Just a reminder, I’m talking about the beauty of this country, not the people populating it. At times some of these parasites can blot out the beauty of our wonderful country.
We are in the process of planning our big trip and I have always argued that the anticipation of the trip can be as exhilarating as the vacation itself. Gathering the items you intend to take with you, planning the route, deciding on what sites you want to see and counting days left at work before you take off. Sometimes the vacation itself is anticlimactic. As soon as you start, you’re counting the days until you have to go back to work. That can put a dampener on a nice day at the beach.
Fortunately for me when I did semi-retire, all that stopped for me. I don’t have to be back on a specific date. My sons who are joining us do have jobs they have to get back to. My wife said no gloating. When they were young, they were still on summer vacation from school when I had to go back to work. I was just hoping for some payback.
I have my pile of “stuff” in the garage and it’s ready to load into my small SUV. Just looking at the pile, it appears that there is no possible way to fit it inside my car, unless I leave my wife behind. The cold stare from her at this moment means I will have to artfully pack the car and still leave a seat for her. Part of the fun is trying to make it all fit anyway. If it don’t fit, force it.
The rule of vacations is, you always come back with more than what you left with. I have no idea how that happens, unless it has something to do with all the useless souvenirs we bring back, then offer up at a garage sale later next year.
I just got back from the gas station where I filled the car up for the first leg of our trip. I noticed the cost of the gas was about the same as an airline ticket to my destination and it made me think, should I put up with a flight to save money. Then I remember, they had duct tape on that one flight and they’re not afraid to use it. All of a sudden I am happy to pay inflated gas prices.
NOTE: I have decided to take you all on my vacation with me. I will be posting thoughts of my journey along the way. Just one thing, you have to let me know if you get car sick. Don’t want anyone ruining all those great souvenirs I’m bringing back.
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