There is nothing more exciting than buying a new car. Nothing is scarier than buying a new car. Talk about Jekyll and Hyde, much?
The car I just traded in was a good car. I had it for six years, put well over 100,000 miles on it, and it served me well. I will admit it was the best and most reliable car I have ever owned. Many of my previous cars were, how to say it, unpredictable. I know many of us went through that period where jumper cables, some extra oil, and a gallon of water were tucked away in the trunk in case of an emergency. There were times I jumped in my old Pinto to head to the store and within a block of my house, I was looking for someone to help me jump my battery, put some water in the radiator due to overheating, or pour a quart of oil into the engine because the check oil light popped up on the dashboard. One gets used to the smell of burning oil accompanying you on your journey.
Cars today have so many warning lights on the dashboard that it can become confusing. Am I low on oil, is my tire pressure low, someone is not buckled in, a door is ajar, check the backseat (I guess to make sure you don’t get garroted, like in the Godfather movies), and you forgot the milk, bread, and eggs your wife wanted. A bit invasive, don’t you think?
Back to buying new cars. Yes, I am excited about all the new features and bells and whistles that come with a new vehicle. I just hate the path there through car salespeople (Yes, there can be a devious, snake-like used car salespersons). I know the salespeople are just trying to make a living. I guess most people are uncomfortable dealing with them because of how much money you have to turn over to get the car you want. Of course, the more you pay, the bigger their commission. It is an endless quagmire, or like being stuck in snow without chains on your rear tires.
Test-driving the car you want to buy is exciting and fun. The new-car smell is like a drug that hypnotizes you and softens your resistance to sales tactics. Daydreams of being the coolest old guy tootling around town in your brand-new “chick magnet” can override common sense and make you cave and buy the undercoating…even though you live in California.
I should clarify one thing: one of my sons is the General Sales Manager of a car dealership for a major automotive brand, and I still become a ball of anxiety when I go to buy a car from him. I know I need help. Having a son who sells cars has its advantages. I do get the family discount, but considering how much I spent on my new SUV, it’s hard to imagine how much money I saved. A good thing is that all the salespeople, service attendants, and the finance department folks treat me like a god. Guess they don’t want to piss off the boss. For fun, I share embarrassing stories about him from when he was a kid, behind his back, as payback for what he made me go through to get a new car.
I want to apologize to my long-suffering wife. She had to put up with me going back and forth on my decision, all the nervous ticks I was suffering from, and trying to talk me down before I had a full-blown anxiety attack. She was so sweet when she brought me something to drink while I was hiding in our front hall closet.
The new car is the same make and model as my last car. If you’re happy, why change direction? I’m driving my new car now and have all kinds of new things to figure out. When I decided to buy, my son did a search and found a car already on order, in the color I wanted and told me I could have it. There is such a backup on this particular model; I was going to have to wait about three months. I added one item: body-side molding to prevent door dings. Don’t you hate it when you find one of those little scratches or dents on the side of your car, caused by some idiot who parks too close and still tries to force their way out of their car, no matter how much damage they do to your car? There is a special place in hell for these inconsiderate jerks. Am I being too hyperbolic…found the thesaurus.
As I walk around my car and check out all the new accessories, it takes me back to my Pinto days, when I could fix anything on it with creative thinking. I one time fixed my disintegrating exhaust system with an old Campbell’s soup can and a couple of hose clamps. If I have a problem on my new car, I either need a degree in electronics or a fear that I might get electrocuted if I stick my hand under the hood. It’s a whole new world.
If I had the energy, money, and time, I would love to buy a car from before 1974 and just work on it. I was a mechanic in a past life, and compared to today’s automobiles, old cars are quite simple and a breeze to work on. Another plus is that we now have YouTube to walk you through any repairs you need to make. Old repair manuals were nice but not nearly as efficient.
I have to take off. I need to go through my car manuals that came with my new rolling data farm and figure out how to use some of these new gadgets. The problem with the manuals is that about 3/4s of the book is warnings. Thanks to all those personal injury attorneys. The warnings wouldn’t be in the book unless some idiot tried something and failed. Ingesting old motor oil could be fatal…really?
©2026BBRiley.
